Enjoy your stay on Pandora, Dirty Pair! (Wait, what?)
by B-Code2016J4
Summary: Vault hunters across several galaxies flock to Pandora that is occupied by the Hyperion Corporation for 5 years. Many are there for the speculated Vault that CEO Handsome Jack announced. Yet a pair of 'lovely angels' arrived... not with riches in mind, but an investigation for the truth to be accomplished. (AU implied and available to be edited, copied, and/or adopted)
1. Prologue

**The franchises of Borderlands and Dirty Pair respectfully belong to 2K, Gearbox Software, Sunrise, and Nozomi Entertainment.**

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Prologue

Inside the Director's Office room of the Galactic Welfare Agency Headquarters Building….

Chief Director Poporo is sitting on his chair and with the files and data on his desk related to the latest mission he's going to give. Although… the African-descent boss sort of wish that it should be someone else more qualified for the assignment, instead of whom the GWA main quantum computer had chosen. After some time of waiting, the entrance door opens. Coming in are two beautiful women almost in their mid-twenties. One has orange-colored hair with a frontal patch of gold-blond, moderate-tanned skin, green eyes, and wearing a red outfit that befits a tomboy (red vest covering her chest and red short pants); the other has vivid violet hair, blue eyes, smooth skin, and a conservative dress that includes a skirt (her facial features indicated 'Japanese' ethnicity). The GWA chief maintains the serious composure after the entryway close automatically.

The more 'civilized' beauty said, "The Lovely Angels are back from our month-long vacation and accounted for, sir."

"Yeah… so Chief, what's goddamn important enough to halt our personal hunt for Arisha Lebuconii?" asked the redhead.

"Hmm… apologies for bringing you two away from your ambiguous endeavors to apprehend your mentor. Right now though, we need to go through the essentials related to this mission."

"And… what are the essentials for this task, Boss?" The 'Asian' gal questioned. Soon, the bald man activates the window shutters that blocks anybody from the outside to see. Afterwards, the indoor lights dim to near darkness and a hologram appears that looked like an H with 'Hyperion' in the middle.

'We begin with the Hyperion mega-corporation, known for manufacturing the most accurate firearms in human use across the nineteen galaxies; alongside with being responsible for teleportation systems on localized levels and the former makers of the CL4P-TP steward bot series."

"Uh… wait, the C-L-4-P… don't you mean the Claptrap units, Chief?!" The director answered the violet lady's question by changing the holographic content to the shape of a yellow, boxy droid. The female pair immediately recognized the projected object.

The tomboy stated, "Oh… my memories are coming back now. Those buggy Claptraps were more like failed comedians than useful custodians."

"Indeed, Kay. And if it wasn't for their persistent annoyance, then I could have shed grief for the robots' demise back 3 or 4 years ago."

"Well, you did kinda feel sad about them being blown up uh… everywhere unexpectedly, Yuli."

"Oh sure… who in their right mind would miss the idiotic jokes and dancing that came from those mechanical freaks?" The elegant woman sarcastically said.

"AHEM! As I was saying, the current CEO of Hyperion goes by the name 'Handsome Jack' - who took over the weapons manufacturing company around four years ago." The director informed.

Kay in confusion asked, "Uh… right, are we going to avenge the yellow rust buckets?"

"Kay… it's little to do with those custodian failures and more about the wild border planet named Pandora, which is under Hyperion's jurisdiction as of today."

"Pan-dora… um, what kind of place is that?"

"Well Kay, I heard from stories of Pandora saying that dangerous creatures and madmen run amok over there before Hyperion came by and…" Yuli realized something and look at her superior. "Hey, are we really being sent to that world of viciousness?!"

The hologram changes again to that of a planet with its moon and a giant H-shaped space station, before Chief Poporo resume the details. "Honestly, I would rather chose someone more professional enough to survive through that big rock of insanity. Nevertheless, the A.I. mainframe calculated that the Dirt-ah… ahem, I mean the Lovely Angels are more suited for this inspection."

The redhead then questioned, "So how did is this hellhole of a planet got GWA's attention?"

The bald director responded with adding the corporate logos of Atlas, Dahl, and Hyperion onto the present holographic picture. "Here's what we can summarize: this untamed planet was first occupied many decades earlier by the once-dominant Atlas Corporation in their search for lost technology of Eridian design, just like the huge alien caches on Promethea that they first discovered and reverse-engineered."

"Who are the Eridians, Chief?"

"Not 'are' Kay, it's more 'were.' An ancient, alien civilization whose history, culture, and even its demise are unknown to us at this time. All that's left of them were their ruins and technologies across many star systems before we humans began to travel through the cosmos. Now then… after years of searches and excavations, Atlas didn't find anything significant that they're looking for. However, rumors of untold technological and monetary wealth on Pandora persisted across much of the galaxies. Consequently, a wave of fortune hunters arrived at the planet to find the so-called Vault. The influx of treasure-seeking freelancers inadvertently created an economy necessary to expand their properties onto the undeveloped world. A few decades later with Atlas' permission, the Dahl mega-conglomerate reached the place to establish mining operations for the untapped mineral resources; particularly the lucrative element Eridium."

Yuli interrupted, "Kind of think about it, there seem to be a connection between the element and the long-lost aliens you mentioned. Would that be correct, sir?"

"Maybe… or perhaps not, Yuli. But let's continue on the briefing, ladies. With the arrival of Dahl, the local population received a boon in numerous supplies, products, and materials to grow in prosperity."

"Yet the good times over there didn't last forever in the end, right?" The tomboy noted.

"Unfortunately so, when Dahl abandoned Pandora over seven years prior to today as Atlas threatened it's rival with an invasion force if they refuse to leave. Additionally, the fleeing company did it in such a hurry that thousands of Dahl employees, families, and ex-convict laborers were left behind. You can imagine the anarchy that followed when those former criminals broke free from their detainment, along with the dangerous wildlife awoken from their periodic hibernation."

The violet-haired woman has a thought to speak out. "Shouldn't that backwater mayhem discourage Atlas and other adventurers from their alien treasure hunts?"

"Evidently not, ladies. The mega-corporation maintained several installations across the planet for two more years, aside from fortune seekers often called 'vault hunters' that traveled there to find that mysterious cache."

"Sooo… what happened next after two years?" Kay wondered.

"Well… from what the Hyperion propaganda told everyone outside Pandora, an employee of theirs by the name 'Handsome Jack' came to the chaotic place five years ago. After his arrival, this man armed with Hyperion weaponry fought and defeated many bandits, hostile beasts, and even the Crimson Lance of Atlas in order to find the 'Vault.' He eventually found the elusive site but what came out instead was a giant monster designated as the 'Destroyer.'"

"Isn't there a picture of this 'Handsome' Jack and the uh… Destroyer, boss?"

Poporo grumbles a bit and bring up the holographic picture of a man standing triumphantly on a big creature with one eye, a mouth, and several tentacles.

Yuli commented at the updated hologram, "Hmm… this guy does seem to fit the bill of being handsome. For the 'Destroyer' though, it looked so ugly and rather… disappointing."

The dark-skinned chief stated, "I should remind you pair that this portrait came from the corporation's advertising department after this Jack fellow risen to CEO, so there a chance that it may not be true. Back to the story, girls. Ahem… anyway, Mr. Jack killed the beast from the Vault per say. For unknown reasons afterwards, the amount of available Eridium on Pandora skyrocketed and the only person available to exploit that sudden abundance was the 'hero' himself. Consequently, that made this man a tri-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it. This Jack guy became super rich and gained control of the entire intergalactic corporation. Now what seem to be the main problem?" A bored Kay asked.

"Ugh… well, it got to do with testimonies from former Atlas employees in hiding; saying that their people found the Vault first; but four vault hunters killed the supposed monster in the end. Followed by the Crimson Lance failures to subdue the dangerous adventurers that cost several bases, heavy investments, and the life of their great commander, General Alphonso Knoxx."

The surprised beauty of 'Japanese' descent commented, "Oh wow… that's incredibly embarrassing for well-trained, corporate soldiers to be defeated by such a small bunch."

"If you asked my opinions, these freelancers are more like you rambunctious duo."

"Huh?" Both the trouble consultants bafflingly stated.

"Well sure, those Vault hunters were said by the unofficial gossips to be very dangerous. As far as I'm concerned however, there's nothing in this universe to match the huge sway of collateral damages that you two left behind; whenever a serious case or situation was assigned for you pair to solve."

Yuli nervously chuckled, "Eh, heh, heh, heh… actually sir, there were a number of legal actions that we managed not to mess-up."

Kay added, "Yeah… and technically, a lot of the wreckage in every such case were not really our fault."

"Enough excuses for today, Lovely Angels!" Chief Poporo reminded. "Ugh… you must know that I undoubtedly want you gals to complete your missions smoothly and without significant destruction; but this kind of investigation doesn't seem to allow such exceptions to happen."

"Uh… why not?"

That question was answered when the bald superior plays a recorded radio advertisement that came from the Hyperion Truth Network. " _Are you hungry for excitement? Fame? Eternal glory? Well… we got good news to your satisfaction! The Hyperion Corporation needs YOUR help to search for the lost alien Vaults of Pandora! See the world! Fight dangerous creatures! Get rich beyond your wildest dreams! Become a Vault hunter today_!"

The females are uncertain of what they just heard. The violet-haired one noted, "Okay… that doesn't sound right. Weren't we been told that there's only one 'Vault' on Pandora?"

"Regrettably, our agents were unable to completely assess the situation of that planet under Hyperion occupation. Right now, they're being informed by the company's public officials that the Pandoran inhabitants 'enjoyed' the corporate presence and security. For unofficial news though, several operatives did managed to sneak into the planet. Alas, I had not hear any report from them a few years since. Therefore, the available option today, as presented by this radio announcement recently, is to have someone enroll themselves as thrill-seeking treasure hunters. And guess who got picked by the GWA main computer to fit that description?"

It didn't take long for the ladies to realize their circumstances. "You mean us?!" Both said simultaneously.

"Now you got a clearer picture, Kay and Yuli. Nonetheless, you two need to use disguised aliases in your investigations on whether or not this Handsome Jack is the heroic protector against bandits that he self-proclaimed. We certainly do not want Hyperion to easily recognize the infamous Dirty Pair incognito."

Both women grumble at their unwanted nickname as a team, but at least they have enough self-restraints to understand how necessary secret identities are to this mission. The Asian-looking gal wondered, "By the way sir, are there any idea on what our disguised names going to be?"

"Frankly, the GWA mainframes had already set up the secrecy. For instance, Yuli would be called Yuriko and Kay being named Keeda. As such for needed disguises, I highly recommend changes in hair color, outfits, and possibly skin tones to blend in with the Vault-hunting crowds; not to mention taking a different transport shuttle heading towards that planet while your other ship wait as backup. And like I said before about Pandora, it will be wise to be heavily armed to the teeth."

The redhead has one, rather unusual concern, to speak out. "Um… Chief… is it going to be really, really necessary to kill people in this infiltration… Again?"

The rest in the office space looked at her with surprise.

"Wow… that's unexpected from someone with a strong preference on pulling the trigger a lot," 'Yuriko' noticed.

"Don't get me wrong, partner. I'm quite comfortable with using my marksmanship to shoot up bad guys. But… uh…"

The male director resumed, "In any such case, the Lovely Angels probably should request help from within the incoming treasure hunters to ahem… lessen more smears on your already notorious reputation. However, there might not be a choice to spare when all the Vault-hunting freelancers are gone for whatever reasons."

"Heh, heh, heh, oh boy… let's hope that doesn't happen in this dangerous mission. Otherwise… we'd be more seen by much of the galactic public as cold-blooded killers than professional trouble consultants," the violet-haired woman nervously commented.

"Hmm… speaking of assistance, here's a radio broadcast from 'Handsome Jack' himself that this agency recorded a few days ago."

"Huh?" The Lovely Angels expressed with confusion.

Chief Poporo plays the documented audio. " _Hey there, this is Handsome Jack. Reminding you that we at Hyperion are still offering bounties for Pandora's most wanted. Uh, the reward has risen to eight billion dollars for the bandit we know as Brick: big guy looks like he survives on nothing but ground beef and 'roids… and hookers. Uh, we're also offering six billion dollars for the capture of ex-Underdome star known as Mordecai; as well as a smaller reward for the capture of his stupid, little bird known as Bloodwing. Oh sorry, I uh… it's backwards. Yeah, I read that backwards. It's six billion for the bird, 20 bucks for the has-been. My mistake… and as always, I'm personally willing to offer thirty billion dollars for the capture of the bandit leader known as Roland. Double that if you use Hyperion weapons to bring them down. Okay, okaaaay! Ah… oh, and stop contacting us with questions regarding the bounty on the little freak show known as Lilith. Uh, the fugitive was confirmed dead months ago. Oookay? Alright, Handsome Jack signing off! Hyperion rules!"_

The two pair are slightly… perplexed. "So… that's the voice of Hyperion's CEO," 'Keeda' said.

The other one with 'Japanese' ethnicity responded, "Well, isn't that obvious to hear. Although… his announcement was slightly um… childish."

"Ugh… girls, it appears that you two just missed the people under the company's wanted bounty list." The dark-skinned boss complained.

"Don't worry, chief. I got the names alright: Brick, Mordecai, Bloodwing, Roland, and Lilith."

"Uh… Yuli… why did you need to include a feathered friend right there?" The tomboy asked.

The chief notified "Ladies, I need to wrap this briefing up immediately!" The gals evidently pay attention. "Now, you pair have an additional option of locating those individuals and deducing the genuineness of Handsome Jack's claims over Pandora. Any questions?" 'Yuriko' and 'Keeda' sway their heads side-to-side, indicating a no. "Good to hear, Lovely Angels. Dismiss."

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 **I'm going to position this story as a way to deal with the slow progress I currently had with my other fanfictions; particularly on developing drama that might be too close to real-life events, situations, or daily life. Additionally, the 'Dirty Pair' from this altered universe were planned to show up in the GATE/Battlefield crossover - once I get it on the way. Any feedback is definitely appreciated.**


	2. Chapter 1: Blindsided

**Several concepts in this story were more or less inspired by the Borderlands 2: Retold fanfic from author BorderFan1234. Copyright infringement not intended.**

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Chapter 1: Blindsided

A couple weeks later at a train station on Pandora….

"Hurry up, 'Yuri!' We're gonna be late in boarding our ride!"

"Jeez, 'Keeda!' You don't have to be so pushy when we just got here!"

Two women, wearing different frontier outfits, are in a rush to get inside one of the many connected cars that makes the levitating train. 'Keeda' with short, blond hair and looked like a light-skinned 'cowgirl' gunslinger in semi-silver clothing — plus the grey duster coat (aside from an advanced energy shotgun). 'Yuriko' having dark-blue hair and olive/moderate brown skin tone; wearing a tan poncho, a bamboo-conical hat, and 'blue jeans' for her lower body; and carrying a beam rifle. As they gotten closer, the designated vehicles slowly began to move.

"God… dammit! Our transport has began to leave just now. Hustle up, slowpoke!"

"I know, K! I can obviously see the moving train for your information!"

By the time the hurried pair are very near the train tracks, the elongated, levitating locomotive pick up more speed. Luckily, the female duo manage to grip their hands on one of the metal ladders belonging to one of the rear cars close to the end of the linked column. It now came the issue of how to get inside, while the train move at high speed.

'Yuri' moaned, "Ah… Keeda! Have you figure out a plan to get inside yet? At this rate, my adorable complexions will get ruined by being outside too long like this!"

"I'm working on it, Yuri! But if your makeup does get ruined in the end, at least a lot of folks here might not recognize us as trouble consultants!"

"Ha… ha… ha, very funny Kay!" The blue-haired traveler sarcastically replied. 30 minutes later, they're still hanging on the metal bars attached to the railroad car's exterior. Until the transportation came to a stop at the next train station, though the following inertia that the two experiences is rather 'unfortunate.' Nevertheless, the ladies take the opportunity to get inside one of the interconnected cars. "Hello! Can anybody let us Vault-hunting damsels inside, please?!" 'Yuriko' stated as she knocks on the entrance doors.

But after several tries, the inpatient blonde decided to use the more… extreme measure of a shotgun to get inside.

" _No need to do that, my two friends."_

"Huh?" Both of them hesitated when the ladies simultaneously heard and saw an 'angel' through their augmented heads-up displays.

" _There's nothing be afraid of me. I'll be very glad to help you get whatever you need, even though you pair don't expect myself to be trustworthy right now."_

The puzzled tomboy noted, "Uh… Yuri, did you-"

"I'm getting this as well, obviously. Yet how on earth did um… 'she' able to hack our HUD devices?"

" _Executing Phase-Shift."_ The outdoor women then heard some weird sounds in the digital background on the 'angelic side.' Afterwards, several train doors automatically open for no apparent reason.

"Duh… thanks. I guess," complimented the blond lady.

" _You're welcome. One of many things I can do as an artificial intelligence being networked into almost everything on Pandora."_

The dark-haired 'adventurer' acknowledged, "Well… that's certainly makes sense. Although interfering our activities can be rather rude by another perspective."

" _Don't worry, vault hunters. My abrupt contacts will not be frequent enough to possibly irritate your search for the Vault… or the real truth about Handsome Jack."_

'Keeda' wondered, "So wait… you got the news of this corporate, macho guy and his intent?"

" _Indeed. But that would be revealed for another time. Good luck, ladies."_ Soon, the 'AI' left the conversations.

"Do you think this 'angel' program is really trustworthy, 'Yuri'?"

"Not yet on deciding her allegiance, Kay. Getting on board our ride is the more pressing matter right now."

Suddenly, horns on the train loudly signals it's departure to the next destination. "Alright partner, let's get going then."

Immediately, they entered one locomotive car through the hacked door. As expected, the 'railroad' convoy moves out of the recent train station for the next one (never bothered the fresh, mangled corpses of 'Rats' that were lying on the desert ground — within the facility's vicinity). Close to an hour forward, the train and its cargos has just entered a large snowy area to travel through… if ignoring the skag-hunting bandit truck that gotten ram into flying pieces by the locomotive a moment ago.

"Huh… never thought that there's a lot of snow around this supposed wasteland of Pandora," 'Keeda' commented.

"Which means that we're either closer to one of the planetary poles or within a higher elevation for snow to form. I wonder if this region had a name already," 'Yuriko' stated.

"As if I care about that, 'Yuri.' But if meeting this handsome CEO happens to be around this cold place, then he better gives a good explanation as to why."

" _Incoming transmission from Handsome Jack to all Vault hunters on this train,"_ A cheerful female voice announced through the built-in speakers; catching the attention of the two ladies.

Up next is a male speaker that the pair recognizes. " _Hello, my Vault-hunting boys and girls! How you're doing inside my state-of-the-art transportation? This is Handsome Jack talking and I like to thank you all for coming to this place; which I myself had already brought order and tranquility for civilization to set up shop without any dangerous bandits or violent creatures attacking them. Still, finding that elusive Vault on this former wasteland can be a big pain in the neck sometimes. Hence the need for help in the form of treasure seekers like yourselves. Now… from my spot inside one of the same train cars as all of you, I can see a lot of cold air and snow outside. So pop quiz: can anyone here say the name of this vast, open refrigerator?"_

'Yuriko' and 'Keeda' look at each other in confusion.

Suddenly, the pair heard mechanical noises within their vicinity. They quickly turn around and see bipedal constructs (one eye in the center of each) that just finished their transformation from large boxes to combat units with guns. "Activating murder proto-" [BOOM]

The Hyperion Loader Bot is reduced to metal pieces by the blonde's shotgun. And it subsequently happens multiple times for the other robots on the receiving end of an advanced firearm… in full auto mode. But let's not forget the blue-haired chick whose beam rifle pierces and slices through many Loaders in straight rows. Incidentally on the other hand, half of the railroad carriage facing the rear has lost its exterior shell. As well as a very large explosion a few cars away from 'Yuriko's viewpoint, due to volatile materials ignited by one of the particle beams.

"Uh… that part over there is not exactly my fault, K."

"Tell that to these machines that are trying to kill us, right now!" The blond 'cowgirl' replied as she very recently decommissioned the robotic opponents.

But not for long: another Loader Bot enters the wrecked rail-wagon through the interconnected passageway, from the neighboring carriage obviously. "Bandits detected." [BANG] Only to be destroyed like the other bipedal droids 'Keeda' already dealt with. Still, more of those metal combatants advance to the female duo for their termination.

"Give us a break, party-crashers!" The annoyed 'Asian' immediately shoot out a devastating beam from her rifle towards the 'mindless' robots; making quick work on them in a row. The few Loaders remaining are mopped up by energy projectiles from the shotgun-wielder, as the ladies move forward to the next railroad car.

" _Time's up, Vault-hunting contestants! We're within the snowy region called Windshear Waste; where it serves as a big dumping ground for dead bandits, worthless inventions, and anyone stupid enough to resist my vision of paradise for this world. And that includes treasure-seeking interlopers like yourselves."_

"Well, isn't that despicable for a corporate leader with a pretty face… or mask?" The blue-haired 'Vault hunter' expresses her now justified irritation.

K noted, "I'll say! But how about we focus more on arresting this jackass, partner?"

"Can't disagree with that statement; assuming that Handsome Jack was even on this train, that is."

"Huh? What makes you think that he's not riding the railroad express at all?"

Out of the blue comes the same egotistical voice from the speaking devices. " _FYI by the way, I can't just have some psychopathic murderers getting to the Vault before I do. I mean, don't get me wrong. It's cute that y'all think you're the heroes of this little adventure… but you're not."_

The blonde soon said, "Seriously? Then what does he considered himself to be? A hero with no qualms for backstabbing clients or what?"

" _Welcome to Pandora, kiddos!"_

Instantly, the pair heard a very loud boom ahead of them.

Two simultaneous explosions to be exact, from a bird-eye/third-person perspective.

One occurred in the middle of the elongated convoy and in front of a group of Vault hunters, while the second was a dozen carriages in advance of the feminine duo's position (near the rear end of the railroad caravan). Both are destructive enough to greatly lift up many train cars in the air and towards every direction from the detonations. Crashes of dislodged railroad wagons and various debris on the snowy terrain are expected in the aftermath of Handsome Jack's betrayal.

Half an hour after everything in Windshear Waste settled, sounds of gunshot is made from a damaged carriage that somehow remain upright… the same one containing the whereabouts of the two women. Soon, the ruined door with recent 'bullet holes' is kicked outwards and lands on the snow. Coming out of the opened railroad wagon are the 'Vault-hunting' gals being alive and unhappy with their predicaments; and minor injuries caused by the underhanded method.

"Good Lord… if this keeps up, then we may need our ship to come here sooner than anticipated." 'Yuriko' noted as she assesses the snowy environment and the train wreckage.

'Keeda' added, "I would agree on that, if the big risk of exposing our infamous nickname is worth it."

"Uh… never mind. That could be detrimental to our investigation incognito." For a while, the two did some sightseeing of their surroundings. Then, the blonde move her feet in the direction alongside the damaged train tracks. The other partner noticed, "K, where are you going?"

"Well… we really can't stay here, Yuli. And considering the heavy presence of Hyperion on this planet, we may need to find help from surviving Vault hunters."

"As a reminder, we're expected to be those kinds of treasure seekers from the natives' perspectives. Still… what should we do next, if all of the supposed Vault hunters are dead?"

"Hmmm… judging by the fact that this corporate asshole has just picked a fight with us, it seems that we have no choice but to overthrow him."

"Sure… two women against Handsome Jack and his Hyperion armies."

"Only if that actually happened to be so, 'Yuriko.' As of now, let's get moving then." In an instant, the yellow-haired traveler resume her walk in parallel with the railroad tracks.

The dark-haired partner soon followed up, although she still feels uncomfortable with making a potentially long journey on a desolate landscape. "'Keeda'... do you had any understanding on how arduous this extra endeavor to rescue potential allies can be, without reliable provisions to depend on at this moment?"

The tomboy turns her eyes onto the critic and said, "Well… since we're both concerned with outdoor essentials, it might be necessary to take vital supplies from Hyperion stashes, deceased treasure hunters, or both."

'Yuriko' wasn't pleased to hear such a survival option. "Ugh… does the word 'civilization' means anything to you, K?"

"Oh sure, peace and order comes to mind. The things that Handsome Jack supposed to offer when his megacorporation took control of this planet. And besides, it's only going to be on food, weapons, ammunition, and other useful items that could help us topple the self-serving businessman. Not the private, sentimental possessions that respect the former... identities of the dead."

"Yeah… let us pray that our humanity is resilient enough to show considerations for degraded corpses, which could have been fathers, mothers, uncles, aunts, grandparents, college students, gorgeous soldiers, teena-"

"Alright Yuli, alright! I get your point of concerns! We'll try to be very nice to the local people as much as possible on this hostile place. Okay?"

"Whew… that's something good to hear. Apart from that Hyperion CEO, who ruined my beautiful face on the train."

"Right… as if waiting here to be killed by that jackass would work."

"Fine, fine… I'm following your lead for now."

In agreement, the pair start their trek in parallel to the train tracks going across the Windshear Waste. During the movement towards an unknown destination, the female travelers try to search for treasure-seeking survivors. All they found so far were frozen body parts, intact cadavers, and many sad outcomes of Handsome Jack's recent deceptions. With resources uncertain on the snowy landscape, the duo commandeered any viable supplies from the deceased (regardless of discomforts to appear when doing so, whether that's under a snowstorm or not).

At one particular point, the same angelic face reappears on their HUDs. " _I'll explain everything soon_ ," stated the mysterious woman in a soothing voice. " _But know this_ _ _—_ you're alive for a reason, and I… am here to help you._"

The female survivors look at each other in bewilderment about this 'angel' as the image fades away. Still, they had to move on.

About an hour forward, the undercover ladies continued to have the stamina of trekking through the cold desert. In the distance, 'Yuriko' and 'Keeda' spotted a dim source of light up ahead. As they march closer by many yards, the strange illumination is gradually revealed as a holographic sign saying "WELCOME." To the right of it, a rather big igloo or grotto covered in snow and random junk debris (including decommissioned CL4P-TPs). Upon careful observation, the entrance door was unexpectedly left open. Also astonishing to the persistent ladies were many footprints on the white surface that apparently leads inside. The lovely twosome are about to say something… when gunshots and animal-like roars reverberate for them to hear, despite these sounds being rather faint. The audio interruptions seem to come from behind the snowy cave within the big mound, before they die down.

A silence after hearing the vibrations, the dark-blue haired traveler pondered. "Could that be Vault hunters… or something worse beyond this geographic structure we seeing in front of us?"

The blond tomboy replied, "Your guess is as good as mine. Still, it can't hurt much to ready our weapons for the worst possibility."

"Uh… yeah, K. Having your restless trigger finger all primed up to endanger a hypothetical survivor from Handsome Jack. Is that what you meant?"

"Relax, 'Yuri.' Relax. But anyway, let's take a look inside the igloo thing."

Together, the pair enters the unsecured dwelling. Once inside, they found the interior to be… interesting. An inactive furnace-based fireplace having burnt bodies, paper money, scrap metals, and other sorts of junk within the smothered pile. Cabinets, lockers, crates, and boxes showing the empty interiors; as if being looted. Lifeless husks of Claptrap robots all over the place and image posters of those droids in bikini wear. A Hyperion-made Fast Travel node near the backdoor of this icy cavern. More significantly to the ladies are footprints and… a linear, winding imprint heading outside from the rear exit. Without warning, the duo hear more creature roars; followed again by firearm noises.

"Huh… judging by the persistent background audio we'd been hearing recently, there might be at least one Vault hunter still alive from the CEO's backstabbing. Don't you think, K?"

'Keeda' responded, "Hmm… that depends on what we would encounter at a former shootout, partner."

Soon, the trekking pair leave through the backdoor and follow the artificial impressions on the snow. A few minutes of tracking the trail later, the armed women stumble upon a sizable area covered in animal carcasses… and dried pools of blood beneath the corpses. These once-living things appeared to have four big arms and ape-like; prior to the menacing organisms getting shot, cleanly sliced, or chewed to bloody pieces. Additionally, there were a lot of spent cartridges on the ground… but no human-shaped bodies lying on this battered location.

"Gosh… look at this unsavory scene here," the female Asian observed in relative shock. "I guess we're not alone anymore in confronting Handsome Jack, since someone here violently ended these poor things."

The yellow-haired investigator commented, "Maybe so. But let's hope this guy doesn't have a tendency to rip out our pretty faces, if we are able to meet him."

"That's not entirely helpful, K."

Before the duo could bicker more, they then heard a happy-toned yell of a teenage girl (a rather faint one, that is). "I'm free! I'm freeeeeeee!"

With caution afterwards, the female investigators made their approach towards the prior sound. When they're near the edge of a cliff in relative stealth, the ladies quickly spot a group of people… and a yellow robot with its disabled optical sensor dangling in its hand.

With a redheaded teenager shouting "Hell, yeah!" in front of the party, and having her apparently robotic left arm dangling in a useless manner as the hidden duo observed. The gals then use their binoculars to view the unknown band in greater resolutions from afar, although the devices doesn't improve their eavesdropping abilities at a distance. Nor were they censored from a muscular, masked man with big eyes in his hands.

"SHOW AND TELL ISN'T OVER YET!" The half-exposed person yelled as he ran up and then shoved the dismembered organs into the poor girl's face. Shortly afterwards, the psychotic guy went on to find… something on the ground. "EATING SPINACH WILL MAKE YOU STRONG!" Meanwhile, the sneaky beauties on the cliff saw the scene with moderate… disturbances.

Instantly, the blind droid spoke, "Well done, minion! What a great day! Knuckledragger's dead, we found a girl in a box, and look… I even found my eye!" Which sort of dampens the gory aspect on what the pair are seeing… maybe a little.

Regardless, the covert agents maintain their observation on this small group; who soon introduce their identities towards the female teenager down there. However, they'd only get to hear the words that are loudly clear.

Like this dwarfish, muscle man making his introduction. "I'm Salvador, and I'm a GUNZERKER! Ha, ha, ha!" Although that earns the confusion and a short argument for a male soldier more associated with the Dahl Corporation on why using such a made-up term.

Soon, it's the redhead teenager's turn to introduce herself. "Then I'm Gaige! The Mechromancer!" The dramatic presentation was immediately followed by some laughters from the woman with blue hair and 'tattoos' and the short statured native; while the military guy and even the two gals at the cliff can't help but smile a little.

"SHINY MEAT BICYCLES!"

All eyes then put their attention to the masked psychopathic muscle, who had already cut open the bigger body of the ape-like creature… and was now snuggling comfortably inside the meat-bag, with only his head sticking out of the dead animal's chest. Everyone except the 'gunzerker' look at the spectacle with horror as the psycho ducked his living cranium inside the cadaver.

"Oh… my… god. That is so... revolting for me to see in my professional career." 'Yuriko' observed.

"Well… uh… how about we back away a bit from that… macabre sight for a while, yes?" The tomboy stated.

"I'd definitely agree on that advice, K." Slowly but surely, the pair walk backwards in a covert manner and reposition to one of the obscuring cliff walls. Now with privacy taken care of, the two females reassess the situation at present.

"So… what's the call: say hello to them as allies or stick with long-range Vault hunter watching for the time being?" 'Keeda' inquired.

"Hmm… let's reflect upon the individuals down there: a somewhat, handsome military man wearing Dahl insignias."

"Is he good enough to be added to your dating list, 'Yuri'?"

"Uh... that remains to be seen, partner. Then what about the lady with blue hair and tattoos of the same color?"

"The one having similar hair color to your disguise and even our thieving mentor?"

"Yeah, but my dyed hair is more darker in tone compared to the woman with group."

"Oh really? I could have sworn that you looked like Arisha at one point."

"Only that my skin color transformation is more sluggish to respond through willpower than the master thief herself, naturally. Speaking of identity though, I kind of wonder about the person fully concealed within a black bodysuit. Any hypothesis for that mysterious fact?"

"Uh… none? As in having no clue on how to recognize this guy? Or lady perhaps… I mean, I don't know who this Vault hunter really is. As if ever care at this rate."

"Noted. Anyway, next up is a slightly short man who shouted himself as Salvador the… 'Gunzerker.' So how does that suppose to work as a profession?"

"Well, don't look at me for a real answer to that name. I also have no clue of what a 'gunzerker' is expected to do. Add that of me saying the same thing for the girl named Gaige, who considers herself a 'mecromancer' or what."

"Huh… that's one possible way of judging the young lady down there. Nonetheless, her mechanical arm could indicate an unknown ability that she herself developed before arriving on Pandora."

"Yeah… I doubt that I would be seeing her talents anytime soon with her robot limb stuck in a damaged state. On the bright side though, her mind doesn't seem to be as broken as the masked guy that is now inside the brutalized carcass... like a blood-filled sleeping bag."

"Ugh… and I wouldn't be absolutely sure if my tolerance has enough space for a uh… volatile character."

"My thoughts exactly, 'Yuriko.' Which goes back to the question of introducing ourselves at this moment."

"Hmm… based on my observation so far, my advice is to keep a big gap between us and them for today. I personally won't like to be accompanied with a psychopathic bodybuilder and a chattering droid just yet."

"Eh, eh… that can do for our sake. Agreement aside, shall we check on the group again?"

"Yes, indeed."

With their discussion ended, the ladies went back to long-distance spying on the Vault hunters (who have just finished listening to Gaige's bar joke). Soon, the party follow the blind robot up to then a derelict drop barge at a higher elevation. Obviously, the handicapped machine tries to open the Hyperion-made door as it presents itself towards the ID scanner. However, the device only recognizes the droid as an intruder and quickly tightens the entryway. The treasure-seeking survivors are quite confounded by the unfavorable outcome.

'Yuri' observed, "Oh dear… it appears that our potential allies are having difficulties with opening the ship's door."

"Shit… didn't expect their need of help to arrive that fast. Still, I'm not sure if this is the right time to show ourselves towards those people." The blonde said.

Before the dark-blue haired partner say anything, a familiar 'angel' reappears on their HUDs. " _Let me get that for ya_."

"Wait, her again?"

" _Executing Phase-Shift_."

* * *

 **12-31-2018:** a handful of edits for the upcoming chapter

 **2-2-2019:** clothing tidbit for one of the undercover Dirty Pair.


	3. Chapter 2: Cleaning up Liar's Berg

**Feedback:**

 **To undead3: What can I say? I got several interesting hobbies that sometimes distract a lot of my focus on how fast I could write a chapter at this time. Still, thanks for the compliment.  
**

Chapter 2: Cleaning up Liar's Berg

A dozen yards of traveling — after exiting the abandoned Hyperion barge….

The group of six Vault-hunters and Claptrap made a stop at a high cliff that overlooks a small settlement in disrepair. The former-Hyperion droid pointed at the snow-covered hamlet for the adventurers observing the bottom, while clutching on his optical sensor in need of fixing. "There it is: Liar's Berg. That's where my old pal Sir Hammerlock lives! He'll be able to put my eye back in."

"And hopefully take your mouth out," said Axton quietly to no one.

"Ahem, girl genius here? It's about time you let me take a look at that eye-hole."

Claptrap slapped Gaige's eager right hand away. "Sorry girl! Much as I'm sure you'd like to jam your fist into my skull, optic surgery is best left to professionals."

The teenage redhead opens her mouth to say something indecent/profane, but Zero cut her short.

" _Don't go down just yet / The town is filled with targets / Let me take them out._ "

The face-concealed adventurer displays the view from his sniper rifle's scope on everybody's ECHO HUD. Everyone except Krieg and Claptrap (minus the two gals just departing out of the fallen vessel) watches as Zero showed them exactly where each enemy was in the town. All in all, there were twelve armed bandits inside the small town: all classified as marauders and varies from common outlaws, killer types, and elite ones. The vault hunters ducked back behind the ledge to stay out of sight.

The former Dahl soldier felt the familiar impulse to charge into the fray and attack the hostiles, like what he had frequently did back in his military past of glory-seeking shenanigans. Thankfully, Axton still retains the rational discipline to shake that crazy idea out of his mind and starts concocting a plan to kill the marauders without casualties; a challenge that is rather new to him. He turns his head to study his party and comprehend their odds.

There were six of them plus Claptrap. However, Gaige has no weapon, no shield, and was sporting a broken mechanical arm. In essence, she was useless. Zero said he still had five shots left in the long-range firearm and Maya, Salvador, and Krieg were fully equipped. It'd be quite close but if the allied sniper could take out his five fast enough, they stood a good chance of getting through this without even a scratch.

"I've got a plan," Axton announced. "Me, Maya, Salvador and Krieg will jump down to distract the enemy. Once we have them busy, Zero will pop up out of his hiding spot up here and flank them with his sniper rifle."

"Hey, what about me?" asked the pouting red-haired teenager.

Before the ex-Dahl commando could say a word to her, they were interrupted by a public ECHO message being broadcasted on all channels.

Axton scowled as he listened to the same cocky voice he'd heard on the train.

"Hey kiddos. Jack here — President of Hyperion. Lemme explain how things work here: Vault Hunters shows up. Vault Hunters look for the new Vault. Vault Hunters get killed. By me. Seeing the problem here? You guys are still alive. So, if you trouble-making adventurers could just do me a favor and off yourselves, that'd be great. Thanks, pumpkins."

"What an asshole," said Gaige, hoping that somehow her insult would reach the man.

And as if in reply, Handsome Jack came back on and said:

"Attention, people of Pandora! Handsome Jack here, offering eight million bucks to whomever brings me the heads of the Vault Hunters who've just arrived in Liar's Berg. Oh, and I'm still offering a reward for Roland, the mass-murdering leader of the Crimson Raiders. Good hunting, bandits!"

"What a gigantic asshole!" declared Gaige.

"Handsome Jack here again. Just wanted to let all you bandits in Liar's Berg know that your highly valuable victims are up on the cliff outside of town. To the left of that really big boulder."

The six Vault Hunters ducked as their general area was sprayed with bullets. Most of the fast projectiles hit the cliff wall that shielded them, but some whizzed overhead or ricocheted off the big boulder next to them.

Meanwhile, the two undercover ladies pick up the pace in walking; once those pair heard the sounds of gunfire… and after listening to the Hyperion CEO's cocksure dialogues. When they arrived at a fair distance behind the six Vault Hunters, 'Yuriko' and 'Keeda' can see that their prospective allies are keeping themselves out of sight from a continuous barrage of bullets. Additionally, the anonymous assassin proceeds to crawl along the top ridge-lines.

Although the familiar egotistical voice doesn't help. "Oh, and they have a sniper. He's crawling towards you guys along the icy cliff on your left." Which soon triggers most of the main group to go off the snowy precipice — except for the adolescent redhead, blinded custodian bot, and featureless sharpshooter.

"I think it's a good time to help these people, Yuri." The tomboy whispered.

"Yep, definitely something to not ignore."

The female duo immediately climb up on top of the ledges on their left. They run on the rocky high ground that borders the town's right side until they stop at a position with both reasonable cover and eyesight on the shootout below. The dark blue-haired woman uses her aiming scope on the particle beam rifle to see the firefight on the snow-covered ground, while the blonde instead utilizes her binoculars. Observantly, five marauders (all four killers and one outlaw) have their shield-exposed heads pierced through by Zero's sniper skills; every outlaw bandit were killed; and the remaining elites are in cover to have their shields recharged. It seems that the Vault hunters have the main advantage over the gun-wielding brigands…

Were it not for five more marauders that wore former-Crimson Lance helmets, heavy armor, energy shields of good-quality, and bandit-made light machine guns entering the fray from residing inside the settlement's buildings. "Finally, some murder!"

"Hey, everybody! BADASSES!" Salvador shouted in… uh, excitement?

"Okay… those thugs spell trouble down there," noted the yellow-haired dame.

"As clear as day, K. And considering the savagery on this planet right now, we trouble consultants… uh, must carefully choose who to ally with."

The blond 'gunslinger' notices her friend's hesitation and slight wobble on the long-range rifle. "Yuri, do you want to give this uncomfortable deed to me instead? Cuz both of can't waste more time on being merciful at this moment."

The other partner with dark-cerulean hair looks at her associate for a short while, before she returns to her scope. "Keeda, I appreciate your sentiment to share any unpleasant burden from whatever 'wrongdoings' we may undertake in the future. But since we're basically stuck here as per our requirements for disguising ourselves as Vault hunters, you and I will inevide-"

[ANIMAL ROAR]

Both of them unexpectedly heard a very loud, beastly sound behind the two gals; which suddenly jerks 'Yuriko's trigger finger into pressing the beam rifle's trigger component… and recoils her arms. Consequently, the energy-based firearm discharges a particle beam that starts with the ground near one of the badass marauders being targeted — then swivels at full tilt in the direction towards the main gate of Liar's Berg and beyond (the tall cliff near a small bandit camp below getting a 'surgical face-makeover' is included). This powerful stray-shot therefore sliced the town's metal barrier in half, a large carved chunk of rock now falling onto the soon-hostile outpost, and… the arms of the intended raider with confusing impressions.

Regardless of the apparent destruction, the female pair are more conscious about a scary ape-like creature behind them: similar to the carcasses prior to the recent shootout; almost as big as the dead one vandalized by the Vault-hunting psycho; and has animal bones covering its two upper arms. The Pandoran 'primate' leaps high into the air for a big pounding upon the isolated twosome, only to impact on an empty spot that the ladies immediately evade away. The covert trouble-consultants take aim at the furry giant; shortly after positioning themselves at a 120 degree crossfire alignment to the dangerous threat (both sides of the badass bullymong, respectively speaking). The aggressive animal promptly turns its attention towards 'Keeda' and makes a charge, with one of its front arms reared back for a big jab at her. Responsively, the alerted blonde fires her plasma shotgun at the incoming fist of the snowy organism. The energy slug hit the clenched hand and instantly transfers the condensed heat into the attacking creature's hand, causing a gory explosion of cooked tissues and bones. A painful cry comes out of the now-injured lifeform over its obliterated fingers and palm. The primate-like beast nevertheless raises another intact duke for another punching attempt at the gun-wielding tormentor… when a piercing ray of light suddenly ends the life of the six-limbed 'monster'; while the deadly particle beam diagonally misses the yellow-haired shooter by several feet. Very soon, the newly-made corpse collapses onto the mountainous floor. The feminine agents look at their bloody work and each other in consideration of the women's violent acts. Simultaneously though, 'Yuriko' and 'Keeda' each felt a fast and hard force that sends the formerly distracted beauties flying off in the air from the cliff. Within a brief moment, those two painfully and unruly landed on the snow-covered surface of the 'abandoned' settlement: the blond consultant tumbling down near the compromised main-gate; and the dark-bluish one stop falling close to the front entrance of the cemetery — and one side of the inn-like building that has the big sign saying 'FILLION'S BED, BREAKFAST, & BULLETS' (their headwear not seen on the investigators' head since those very pushy assaults; in addition to those powerful firearms missing too).

While those womanly pair stayed unconscious, the two big attackers leap from the rock face and soon landed on the snowy earth for bandits and Vault hunters to see: as Badass versions of Bullymongs. One of the large creature heading for the 'light-skinned' blonde just caught its attention on the Badass marauder that had his forearms amputated by the particle beam. Before you know it, the bullymong hand-grabs the unlucky bandit tightly and inspects the looter.

"B-bu-but… but I'm supposed to be a badass!" The poor bastard laments prior to the ape-like captor merely toss him towards a metal-composed entrance… which clearly led to the marauder's death by electrocution.

Seconds later, the big Pandoran animals become walking "shoot-me" beacons of incoming gunfire from both bandits and adventurers. As this surprising development unfolds, Maya then throws a hand grenade en route to the contemporary conflict between bullymongs and marauders. Once the explosive is at a certain height, the Siren uses her power to stop the falling grenade by entrapping it within a dark orb (this supernatural sphere is bigger and acts as a gravity well). Her unique action leads to all the marauders and the ape-like pair getting sucked into the floating orb; the Pandoran foes cry in terror and sometimes outrage of being stuck together. Axton and Salvador pour so much bullets onto the confined hostiles until the small bomb finally explodes; which implodes the siren bubble and causes death and injuries to the bullymongs and human bandits. The surviving badass 'primate' feels very pissed and manages to grab a wounded badass marauder for a brutal beating. A while of thrashing punishment later, the heavily crippled bandit is tossed in the air… and lands on top of the semi-conscious 'Yuri' like a ragdoll.

The nature of the landing is soon revealed when 'Yuriko' finally awakes and feels something on her face:

Which turns out to be the debilitated marauder's genital section of his outdoor pants.

After she quickly understood the 'explicit' discovery, the blue-haired plus olive-skinned operative instinctively pushes away the bad guy with her arms and repeatedly spit out in disgust on what her mouth has just touched (even as to so far grab a lump of snow and place it on her oral opening).

The pitiful badass enemy gutturally curses meanwhile. "This… does not conform… to my reputation." Yet more misfortunes found him: in the appearances of adult and bratty bullymongs now looking at the vulnerable 'plaything.' Within seconds, the four-armed 'simians' began to rip apart the bandit at their leisure.

Now alert, 'Yuri' reorients her attention to the uncivilized carnage started by the bullymongs… with an anxious stare soon enough. The problem to her though, are the primate-like creatures not occupied by the butchery on the marauder and taken an interest on her presence. "H-heh-heh… Now, now you… quite wonderful, furry hosts of this planet… perhaps a very, nice… pause of thinking is needed to… recheck the pros and cons of an actual assault on this lovely damsel. Yes?" The brown-skinned undercover consultant 'pleads' with her life towards the encroaching fur-sacs of death; while putting both her hands upright at chest level and scanning her spatial proximity for the missing particle beam rifle. Regardless, an apish youngling rushes in Yuriko's location for a rougher type of 'play'. The small bullymong lunges some yards away at her… only to get an upward kick to its head/lower jaw from one of the woman's outdoor boots (while she still has her hands up at the height of… her bosom). A physical reaction that is strong enough to hurl the beastly brat back to the its ape-like pals; and knock the propelled hostile into a semi-defunct stupor. The bullymongs look at the beastly youngster lying 'comatose' on the ground and then turn their attention at the blue-haired agent who did the defensive response. Frankly, they roar in anger and one of the wild adults charge at the feminine assailant being responsible for the 'attack.' Yuri is about to quickly pull out one of her concealed combat-tools, when that storming organism unforeseeably earns a thrown buzz axe by the left side that lodges itself within the beast's neck.

The harmed creature suddenly collides on the snowy surface and left 'Yuriko' with a confused face. Still alive though, the affected bullymong slowly stands up and later puts its front left hand on the neck wound. In that instance, a boot harshly stomps upon the animal's hand and deepens the injury caused by the embedded weapon. The brutal action didn't came from the olive-skinned lady, however:

It's actually under Krieg's doing for the axe-throwing and stomping on the ape-like beast; who is now on top of the wounded animal and instantly blow away its head with a confiscated shotgun from one of the dead marauders (at close range and downward to the ground for the gun barrel).

"IT'S A BAPTISM OF BLOOD!"

In the meantime, the 'cowgirl' blonde at last woken herself from her blackout on the snow. She gets her feet and body back on an upright posture and let her mind assess the surroundings. It soon become evident to Keeda that she's not yet out of danger; when the female blonde takes a peek through the torched slit of the jeopardized main gate… and see an angry band of bandits coming to her position. Immediately afterwards, those bipedal hostiles began their volleys of bullets at the metal entryway. Luckily (in a bizarre way), the metallic material within the sliced gate remains resilient enough to resist ballistic impacts from both the launched rounds and a few grenades; as the yellow-haired operative innately takes cover behind one of the two big fragments at once. While she's momentarily protected on the other side, Keeda checks for any visual sign of that lost firearm.

No clues at this point. So, the woman under fire soon examines her secondary equipment hidden by her outdoor duster coat for this shootout: two plasma-based repeating pistols in the holsters, a few stun grenades on her utility belt, one polarized sunglasses to counterbalance strong glares, etc. Urgently in due course, the fair-skinned gunslinger put on her tinted eye-wear; activates one flash-bang on her right hand; and then toss it high in the air — behind the safe metal obstacle. Some seconds later, the sound bomb produces both a blinding flash of light and a loud noise above the unsuspecting opponents.

"GAAAH! Where has that meat puppet's face gone to?!" One of the assaulting psychos gasps while being deprived of both vision and hearing by the dazzling blast.

Until the insane man just lost his brain… in a very literal sense; as the madman's head immediately gets a coin-wide hole. The entirety of these angry raiders are too disoriented to witness the killing act. Nor the following gunshots that quickly found their mark onto the dazzle heads of banditry with pinpoint accuracy. So when the brightness and loudness finally vanished, the snowy slope leading to the main settlement is now covered with killed bandits that have blood bleeding from each punctured skull. The only fighter left standing intact of that unfair shootout is the victorious (yet steely committed) 'Keeda' — wearing her polarized sunglasses and holding one of her handgun with both hands on the trigger handle and foldable forward grip near the muzzle at horizontal level to briefly scan and aim for any incoming adversary.

None showing hostility this time around. Thus, she lowers her firearm and soon holster it back… in addition to allowing the sound of cold wind to pass through Liar's Berg; like the now-relieved adventurers standing on the central elevation of this small settlement riddled with dead bullymongs and marauders.

"That… was… AWESOME!" squealed Gaige.

The other Vault-hunters who heard that turned to see the school girl gawking at them from a few feet back.

"Hey! I thought I told you to stay on the cliff," barked the annoyed Axton.

"It's fine! Look I even have a gun and shield." The redhead excitedly showed off the equipment taken from their newly deceased owners.

"Have you ever even fired a gun?" asked the ex-Dahl commando, becoming irritated. He still wasn't sure why, how, or what a high school girl was doing on Pandora.

"It's not that hard," dismissed Gaige, as she attempted to aim one armed with her assault rifle at a nearby barn. She pulled the trigger hard and shot several times; every shot missed. "Eh, accuracy's overrated anyway."

" _Once your arm is fixed / Maybe you will hit something / But this was just sad._ "

Around the same time, the psychopathic 'good guy' stares at the brown-skinned 'Asian' with a hesitant face that is now seeing him covered in animal blood and giblets. "WENHOU, SHINOBI WANNABE!" Krieg greets her while raising the stolen ballistic weapon upwards a few times.

The reluctant lady somewhat comprehends the salutation and replies, "Uh… hello to you as well, Mister… eh…"

"His name is Krieg, ma'am. Also, he's on the friendlier type of psychos." The blue-haired siren calmly intervenes on both's behalf.

"Oh… um, thank you for notifying his identity, Miss…"

"Maya is my name. Are you alright from that firefight by the way?"

The lady in olive skin checks her own figure for anything serious to patch up. "From a physical point of view… yes, no signs of any harm on me that has yet to damage my adorable vitals."

...Something odd has just bugged the concerning siren. "No offense, dearly… but are you in the right place? Because I seriously doubt that the native majority on this planet will ever display any gentleness to your 'adorable' worries."

The other blue-haired adventurer shifts her attention to the Vault-hunter and her question. "Um… I doubt that we made a mistake to travel here on Pandora, once the two of us had heard the Hyperion advertis-... Oh wait, I should better first contact my colleague on how okay she is from that monstrous rude awakening."

"Hey! Is anyone still in there?!" Her blond partner yells in front of the electroshock entry that belongs to the walls surrounding the open yard and the two-storied house in the middle. "Those raiding bastards were now gone of this town of yours by us Vault-Hunters here!"

"Well, isn't that quite a relief to hear her breathing still?" Yuri noted.

Before Maya comments, an ECHOnet message with an English-accent was relayed to the allied visitors. "Vault Hunters, you say? Well… isn't that a spectacular moment to hear from a person who must have survived Handsome Jack's treacherous attack, yes?"

"It's actually eight of us survivors in that regard." K responded.

"Splendid-ho! Now I can continue on with my research concerning the faunas and floras of this border-planet."

The euphoria is quickly cut short by an ECHOnet interruption… by an aggressive voice. "Alright, boys – this is Captain Flynt! I want you to find those Vault Hunters and bring 'em to me! NOW!"

"...Oh right, I should have clearly expected this murderous bloke to be fairly committed for short-term gains. Regardless, many thanks in disposing Flynt's men that had trapped me here!"

Claptrap rolled into the settlement and then stop at a small mound towards that inhabitable house. The robot shouted at the sole resident, "Hey, Hammerlock! Since my minions just saved your town, you wanna do your bestie Claptrap a favor and repair my eye?"

The answer eventually expressed by this man… has a flabbergasting component. "Spectacular! First came the assaults by those pyromaniac's bandits, then Claptrap shows up! I must have been horrifyingly cruel to puppies in a previous life to deserve this kind of treatment. I say, Vault Hunters – could you kill Claptrap for me?"

"Uh… Mister Hammerlock?" interposed the 'Asian-looking' woman. "I assume you had any solid plans to help us contact additional allies against this Hyperion CEO, correct?"

"Oh… I'm not sure that I've had invested much thought in usurping that charming fellow, while doing my studies on the various life-forms of Pandora for my almanac."

Axton, still smirking, messaged the hunter back. "Unfortunately not in this case, Sir Hammerlock. We need him alive to get to Sanctuary."

"Ah... I see. Well, that is a shame. Come to my shack then, and I shall restore Claptrap's sight. First, I shall shut off the electrical fence for you."

The blind droid jumps a few times in excitement and subsequently travels toward the electrified gate (that has clearly remain active).

"Please stay back, Vault Hunters!" shouted Sir Hammerlock from the house's second floor window. "Let Claptrap go first."

"I knew Hammerlock would come around eventually. Me and him are like two peas in a pod! Two bullets in a mag! Two... cannibal midgets in a fat guy's ri-...!" babbled the former Hyperion bot as it strolls straight into the fence; and gets tripped over by the dead body of the badass marauder. Still, the unexpected fall didn't prevent Claptrap's head touching the gate that ultimately dishes out a shocking surge through the custodian bot. Seconds later… the metal barrier somehow short-circuits itself, several small explosions occurred along the hinges, and the once-electrified door then falls inward from the now-unconscious droid.

The 'perplexed' vault hunters heard Sir Hammerlock shout from the first-story window, "Apologies, but when Claptrap speaks, I feel my brain cells committing suicide, one by one. I shall be out directly."

The vault hunters walked around the knocked-out robot and into the yard. The door of the house was kicked open by a mechanical right leg, causing Gaige to gasp as a dapper olive-skinned man in a safari hunting outfit steps outside. He saluted them with his mechanical right arm and a stiff upper lip. "A pleasure to meet you all, Vault Hunters. I am Sir Hammerlock – Hunter, scholar, gentleman. At your service."

The vault hunters took turns shaking this scholarly outdoorsman's hand and introducing themselves. In retrospect, the disguised consultants allow the opportunity to be clarified again on their allies' names: Axton, Maya, Salvador, Zero, Krieg, and Gaige in that order; prior to the pair's 'official' introduction. At the start of the pony-tailed teenager's presentation meanwhile, Gaige purposefully extended her broken left arm… in which the metal forearm then swung uselessly from the elbow.

"Oh my," said Sir Hammerlock, with both eyebrows raised behind his broken glasses. "A fellow amputee. Well met, I am Sir Hammerlock, and you are?" He grabbed her mechanical left hand with his equally artificial right hand and shook.

"Gaige, and the pleasure's all mine," said the adolescent redhead who's trying to sound seductive. "You wouldn't happen to have any tools I could borrow to fix my arm, would you?"

"Ah... of course, how rude of me. I apologize." The semi-cybernetic gentleman pointed back at his house. "You'll find the toolboxes in the second drawer of the cabinet that's right below the picture of my ex-boyfriend."

Gaige walked into the house with a devastated look on her face — while Axton, Salvador, Maya and even the good-looking twosome laughed quietly together.

It's now the female duo's obligation for their greetings toward the adventurous researcher. Starting with Yuri who briefly did the handshake. "I am Yuriko, Sir Hammerlock. Guess an elegant date with any woman is not possible for you in the future then?"

"It's fairly impossible for me to feel any strong attractions to female partners, I'm afraid. Even so, I would gratefully welcome your friendly aid in further studies of the wildlife denizens on Pandora and helping me explore interesting locales — with less restrictions of course."

"Fair enough, sir."

Followed by the blond gunslinger. "The name's Keeda or K for short, mister."

"Glad to be your acquaintance, miss Keeda. I presumed you're not a fan of proper etiquette towards those in the upper-classes, yes?"

"Honestly, I don't think being all nice every time will always conform with how dangerous this planet has proven itself to be."

"Probably as precarious to your definitive habits of blasting anything into oblivion, K." The blue-haired 'Asian' mockingly returned.

"Right… an appropriate remark from a whiner, who just demolished an big cliff with her mighty particle gun."

"Which was due to an interference from some very hostile creatures sneaking behind us!"

The blondie reorients her annoyed face at her partner and said, "So who's the airhead that did not kept her eyes on our six-o'clock?!"

"Oh really, this? Shifting the blame on me when both of us were concentrating on providing long-range support for the potential Vault Hunters we're following?"

"Well, I certainly didn't provided a battle plan that has forgotten to check our rear!" The bickering between the female pair drags on, while others were fairly mesmerized by this contested dialogue.

A thoughtful reminder of what the outdoor gentleman should be doing has thankfully halted his stare at the commotion. "Now… let's see what we can do about our talkative little robot." Sir Hammerlock walked up to the collapsed Claptrap and pulled the eye out of its right hand. He inspected the eye socket briefly before shoving the eyeball into it. "That should do it!"

Claptrap jumped back on its wheel. "Ha-Ha! I am ALIIIIIVE!"

"Oh, dear. He's talking again," said Sir Hammerlock, and shook his head slowly. Accompanied by the present Vault-seeking adventurers turning their attention at the repaired droid, which sparingly interrupts the ladies' squabbles.

Gaige dropped the tool box where she was standing, right behind Sir Hammerlock. She had an indignant look on her face and was grinding her teeth. "That's it? That's all it takes to fix the eye?"

"Yes, it's such a simple procedure. Why, I believe a lobotomized bullymong could do it," Sir Hammerlock gave a short laugh before catching his mistake. He cleared his throat seriously. "Not that I'm implying you guys are dumber than a lobotomized bullymong or anything."

Maya walked over and patted Gaige on the shoulder. "Don't worry, we all know you could've fixed him. Claptrap's just… stubborn."

"Just pretend the robot's not there," suggested Salvador. "That's what I do."

"Thanks," said Gaige, cheering up. She gave Maya a sudden hug. "You guys are the best."

Concurrently, the former Hyperion construct instantly notices a couple of new faces. "Gosh, two new minions? Now that's a wicked jackpot!" The CL4P-TP survivor's excitement does a good job of gaining attention — especially from the 'ladylike' duo maintaining their inner… reservations. "So… Minions 7 and 8, where have you lovely travelers been?! Your nice faces looked less uglier than some other minions that I just remembered!"

"Okay…" The red-haired adolescent quietly mutters, "Let's hope that it just indicating Salvador and Krieg in ugliness."

"Now since my eyesight is back in business, it's time to join up with the Crimson Raiders in Sanctuary! This glacier's full of nothing but murderers and jerkbags, like that Hammerlock dude!"

The rather displeased gentleman prompts, "I'm standing right here, dude."

"Oh, don't worry about the latter part of you being compared to vicious bandits, Hammerlock." The custodian bot's attention then switch towards the rather charming ladies. "Now then… for your information of my one-of-a-kind existence due to the fault of Hyperion under Jack, I'm a CL4P-TP steward bot or Claptrap for short. My next protocol usually gives out ECHO devices for naviga-..."

"We already had those gizmos prior to us two arriving on Pandora, Claptrap." Keeda interrupts while finger-tapping on the left side of her head — where a quick fluctuation in a light-colored goggle-shape appears and disappear in a flash. Yuri does the same thing and a similar result happens.

"Huh… then good for you, pretty damsels! That corporate jackass will NOW have to worry about eight pissed-off Vault Hunters! With the siren being Minion Number 1, Number 2 goes to the ex-Dahl commando, third place goes to Salvador, followed by the mysterious ninja dude, our friendly psycho in the fifth spot, the girl with a broken mechanical arm as Minion Numbe-."

"Yes, Claptrap! We get it! Gaige being Rank 6 in the list of useful associates, myself being positioned for seventh place, and our trigger-itchy amazon K at the bottom of your so-called minion tally." Yuriko verbally cuts in.

The blond tomboy nods in agreement… except for that last ranking part for which she gaze at her blue-haired partner. "Yuri, that talk about me in last place doesn't sound right."

"It certainly fits you and your gun-blazing personality, Keeda."

"Personally, I think your morality restrictions on this planet should landed you further back behind me of being a… badass."

"Really, can you come up something more formal than that tacky term for adventurers? Maybe you need to reread an entire dictionary book for expressing your more intellectual psyche, blockhead."

"Hey! I did use my brain power every now and then in the past. Then again, you weren't all goody-goody towards any assholes who either betray your romantic dream for attempted homicides or ruin your glamorized face with a single scratch."

"Even so, I still maintain that preference of using delicate means first and keeping violence as only the last resort."

"Oh really? Those bandits and wild creatures on this world don't seem to have such noble penchants inside their heads for us; which were before we kicked their asses dead!"

"That doesn't translate to us being all automa-!"

Out of the blue, an energy bolt streaks above the female pair's pretty heads and made an explosive impact somewhere in the nearby mountainous cliff of Hammerlock's residential area. The silenced group within the vicinity of these feminine agents glimpse at the damage first; then reorient their eyes at the person who made that shot.

In this case, our psychotic companion holding Keeda's plasma shotgun — and inspecting it weirdly enough. "Mwah-ah-ah-ah, what a shiny soul stabber from Infinity and Beyond!"

The somewhat surprised 'gunslinger' walks closer to the masked psycho and says a request on him (from a minimal safe distance, no less). "Ahem… hey, Krieg. Eh… you're holding a shotgun that belongs to me; and I want it back."

The unstable ally strangely stares at her for a short while. "THE SOBER VOICE IN MY HEAD WANTS TO HEAR THE MAGIC WORD!"

"Uh, wait… magic word?"

Yuriko goes up to her Vault-hunting coworker and whispers, "Call it a hunch, but I believe the keywords for retrieving your state-of-the-art firearm are polite, kindly, and please."

The yellow-haired woman turns her head at Yuri with iffy eyes. "...How are those civil words supposed to work on this psychopathic… weirdo before me?"

"Well, you're probably right about him being strange enough in not attempting to kill us and nearby allies at this time. Which is why you should repeat your request with more politeness to the friendly… madman here."

Keeda breathes out a sigh and asks the ally psycho again. "Let me redo my petition in a courteous manner, fella: Can you please return my gun to me?"

In a short time unexpectedly, Krieg declares, "AS YOU COMMAND, DIRTY FRUIT FROM A BUXOM PEAR TREE!" He tosses the direct-energy firearm fast towards the incredibly dumbfounded blonde (who caught it with astonishing skillfulness of her hands) and then casually walks out of the yard thru the only entryway. A short while later, the female pair once again gets the limelight.

Warily assessing the circumstances meanwhile, the blue-haired partner soon mentions a missing item. "So… Keeda, can you put the time in helping me search for my lost particle weapon?"

The blonde was rather not amused at her request. "It's your weapon, Yuri. Find it back yourself."

"Hey, I did share my advice previously. How about returning the favor on this day?"

A familiar robot interjectfully speaks out, "Oh, oh! How about me doing the search for your favorite gun? Consider this as an act of kindness for indirectly repairing my optical sensor!"

Everyone else look at Claptrap with disbelief. 'Yuriko' tries to clarify, "Uh… with all due respect Claptrap, I actu-"

"Alrighty then! Minions, roll out!" Without hesitation, the former Hyperion bot strolls past the only gate and onto the snow-covered central area to start its search.

Nonverbally, the undercover consultants go after the one-wheeled droid within haste to keep an eye on it and make sure that Claptrap doesn't mistakenly ruin Yuri's direct-energy firearm. Probably fortunate enough for the two to catch up, while the CL4P-TP unit standing there and contemplate on where to actually begin.

Soon, it spotted the pair while looking around. "Say, Minions 7 and 8. I might have jump the gun on how to find your lethal toy, so maybe some guidance of where to retrieve that missing loot and what it's actually shaped like are much appreciated. Agreed?" Without speaking a word however, the dark-skinned 'Asian' adventurer hand-signals her tomboy associate to split up for the particle beam rifle: Yuriko heading for the cemetery, while Keeda goes for an open-space near the defunct fast-travel station. Although they did not imply to the boxy robot of which area to investigate when the ladies move on their own discretion; leaving Claptrap itself on its own decision-making. "Okay…" said the automaton in confusion as it scans around the surroundings and discovers the violated metal gate leading to the rest of Southern Shelf. "Heh… I guess I can inspect on how that gate was sliced in two for now." Thus, the last functioning custodian bot travels to the broken barrier — and later notices the dead bandits still lying on the snow-covered slope; aside from Krieg scavenging there for any interesting items. "Whoa… whoever did this sad mess must have zero remorse for what will ever happen to the bandits' families, macabre trophies of innocent victims, hidden stashes of rare weapons, and their fearsome reputations of showing… aah, who the hell cares about living under those circumstances. SCREW those guys!"


End file.
